Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
