Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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