Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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