i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
