My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
