My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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