i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
