i would punch a child for taco bell
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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