the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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