Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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