I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
