I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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