Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
