Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
