I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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