I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
