i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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