# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I touched a dick in church today
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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