the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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