So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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