mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
