They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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