Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just pynch a tree in the face
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
