oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
