I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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