I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of course I have a pirate flag
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
