I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
