I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
