At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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