Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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