He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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