I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
