Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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