and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
