So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
