i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
