I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
