I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
