So drunk its hurt
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i think im in europe. pls send help
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
