Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
