Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
