You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
