wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
