What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
