I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
