Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
