It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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