therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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