Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
PANTIES FOUND
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