im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
