I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
