I want to make a zoo with you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to cum in my sink.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
