Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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