After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
